teenagerposts:

me: goodnight moon

moon: goodnight lil bitch

puralize:

you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly

knowyournewmeme:

anthusiast:

knowyournewmeme:

make a joke

your parents already did

You’ll be compost in my new world.

best-shower-thoughts:

There would be a lot more movies, books, art, etc. if dreams could be recorded. (source)

best-shower-thoughts:

If you and a same sex friend are eating out and request just one check and the waitress sets it down in front of you, she decided you’re the top. (source)

kaladins-angst:

onion-souls:

tilthat:

TIL in 1201, Genghis Khan was shot in the neck during a battle, and asked the defeated army who had shot “his horse”, trying to downplay the injury. The archer voluntarily confessed to shooting Genghis Khan and refused to beg for mercy, so the Khan spared him, turning him into a great general.

via reddit.com

“Yo, which one of you shot my ride?” Shouts Genghis Khan, 10 liters of blood obviously squirting from his jugular vein, but he is not going to start giving a fuck today or any day

“Yeah, it was me, what are you gonna do about it, Temujin?” Says Zurgadai of the Besud, AKA the Daily Zurg Rush AKA Motherfucking Steppe Legolas AKA Jebe, who had no room in his quiver for fucks either. “You mad that an archer shot an arrow and hit, you fuck, you absolute cunttyrant?”

Genghis Khan:

@ Blackthorn

fartgallery:

fartgallery:

just discovered a neat trick. if you make brownies but dont cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate 1 brownie

do not do this

Famous Middle-earth proverbs

tolkien-shitposting:

“Pride is acknowledgement of awesomeness.” -Feanor

“There’s no betrayal, just unannounced change of plans.” -Feanor

“Modesty is for mediocre people.” -Feanor

“If something can go wrong it will and at the worst possible moment.” -Turin

“Doom is what men call the result of foolish decisions.” -Turin

“Beauty is not something subjective if all the world finds you beautiful.” -Luthien